Ladder Glossary

Kiss of Death — A friends speech ending in a hurtling trip to the Abyss. Specifically when a woman tells you something along the lines of “I think of you as a friend.” It always results in a rejection of some sort.

Bitch — 99.999% of women. Note for men: I know they are. Note to women: yes, you are in this group. More accurately it is a woman who is not honest about why she won’t sleep with you. Or sometimes, just a woman who won’t sleep with you. And of course women who won’t admit the basic truth of Ladder Theory.

God — Something you should profess belief in if you think it will help you bang some bitch.

Outlaw Biker — The prototype of everything women say they don’t want but really do. And you will know him by his forearm tattoo, “street smarts,” weed connection, domestic violence convictions, and the fact that the women you are an intellectual whore to are always complaining about him to you before they go off to fuck him, or leave you in a bar to go home with him.

Intellectual Whore — A man who provides emotional support, advice, and companionship to a woman without any physical relationship in return. He is used for his mind while she pursues other men physically.

Intellectual Pimp — The woman that a man is an intellectual whore to.

Asshole — 99.999% of men. Note to women: I know they are. Note to men: I know you aren’t really, and that it’s just an act to get women. Essentially it is a man who acts like a man.

Sesquipedalian — A really cool word. It means long-winded, polysyllabic, or verbose. See, the word describes itself… isn’t that neat?