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The Friend Ladder A Poem by Travis Cottreau She starts with, "I think we should just be friends." I raise an eyebrow a little too quickly And then lower it a little too slowly Before I think of how to make amends She asks, "What? What are you thinking?" What the hell, I'll try honesty and see how it ends Single guys and single girls can NOT be friends The whole concept is a bit crazy It's a bit like Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry It's all explained by Ladder Theory Look it up at laddertheory.com For politeness, I will summarize quickly Imagine a glowing ladder floating by a guy's head each girl ranked by how much he wants her in bed. "Don't be silly!", she says, "I have lots of guy friends who are single." But I shake my head at her naive little jingle You're on all their ladders, it's just not outright stated Believe me when I say, they've all pictured you naked. Now, here's the kicker, it's different with women They have two ladders, of course, both are hidden There's the "good ladder" and the "friend ladder" Now, you want me on your friend ladder I don't want to walk that street I would rather we go our separate ways Or, before I know it, when next we meet You'll give me the kiss of death Like calling me "cute" or "sweet" I'm sure you think that "sweet" and "cute" Are fine compliments for a guy, worthy of a life-long bond But it's just a rotten piece of fruit In no time, it will all go wrong And you'll be giving him the boot Or maybe singing him this very same song And then some bad boy would pique your interest Or maybe riches make your heart race quickest And all your guy friends are cursed to damnation The fact that you think it works differently, That it's all friendships and chivalry Just twists the knife on an already bad situation The pause is short, only a few seconds Then a sign that I've wasted my breath, That this conversation has died a painful death She ends with, "I STILL think we should just be friends." |
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